Mom taught me everything ... except how to live without her.

The "firsts" are the hardest ... the first year of holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other important occasions and milestones without the loved one who has gone on before you. The past few weeks have been the most mournful I've experienced during this first year, or ever for that matter. It's the first holiday season without my best friend, mentor, cheerleader, role model, my love -- my Mother. I pray for continued comfort and peace that only God the Father can give. Because I can't do this on my own.

Mom lived a long (nearly 82 years), happy life. Her poor body fought so many illnesses -- including cancer, kidney failure, Lupus, heart disease -- until it just couldn't fight any longer. She faced so many struggles yet endured each with such peace and grace, rarely complaining and never with self-pity. In the end, she was ready to go. But it was so difficult for us to let go. When her doctors and Hospice told us she would be leaving this earth, they suggested we "give her permission to leave us," to help ease her passing. So we did ... we told her it was ok, that she didn't have to fight any longer, and assured her that WE would be ok.

Did I lie to my Mother? That I would be ok? Because I'm not. I'm far from ok. I mourn her now more than ever. Will it EVER be "ok"?  Will *I* ever be ok?

Yes, it will. Yes, I will.

I KNOW she is in Heaven looking down on me. I know she is wishing I weren't so sad. I know she wants me to cling to assurance, as believers, that we WILL spend eternity together. I know she's whispering to me, "The time you remain there is so short compared to all eternity with the Lord, with me, your father and brother, and all the loved ones who have gone on before us. Hang in there, my love. You keep doing what the Lord wants you to accomplish down there, and you'll be here before you know it. God feels your pain and wants to bear it for you; surrender your pain to Him."

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. ~ Psalm 56:8 

But this week I feel she is telling me something else, too. "Stop mourning my death, and celebrate my life."  And she doesn't mean celebrating her accomplishments, though they are many, for she was the most modest woman I have ever known. She means celebrate the life we shared with her. Celebrate the good times, even the difficult times for in them we experienced growth. Celebrate the friendships and family who surrounded and loved her so. So, I choose to do that. I will also celebrate her unconditional love, smile, thoughtfulness, generosity, kindness, and gentleness.  I will celebrate the legacy she has left behind to her family, friends, colleagues, church, and community, and in all the ways her students' lives were touched by her. I will try very hard, instead of crying, to smile when I see her face in photos or in my mind's eye; or when I see her favorite color, purple; or when I wear a cherished piece of her jewelry, or an item of clothing I have now adopted as my own. It won't be easy, for I am surrounded by memories of her, everywhere and in everything. But, instead of grieving, I will choose to celebrate. I choose to smile instead of weep. Sometimes emotions aren't felt, they are willed, and are our gifts to give ... like choosing to love, and choosing to forgive, even if you don't feel like loving or forgiving. Before long, the choice becomes a heartfelt emotion. In choosing to celebrate her life rather than grieve her death, I honor her.

So, Mom, sing your Christmas carols in the angelic choir with other Sweet Adelines. Enjoy your first Christmas feast at the Father's banquet table, with your son on your right and your husband on your left, and your own beautiful mother and sister across the table from you. I love and miss all of you so very much. But I will see you soon ... in the blink of an eye.

Elizabeth Louise "Betty" Spradlyn Morton

Feb. 8, 1936 - Jan. 15, 2018

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. ~ Proverbs 31:28-31

Tribute to Mom at her funeral (journalism/teacher focus)

Without love, I am nothing, have nothing, gain nothing. I can honestly say my mother exemplified the epitome of love, as defined in 1 Corinthians. I want to be more like Mom, and the greatest gift I can give her, myself, and all others is to do just this.